2.11.13
Alone Again (Naturally): Where are all of the other
bored people? I am so relentlessly bored I am quite literally on the
verge of tears. Good god, I feel like I am in the latest Nicholas Cage
movie, where everyone on the face of the earth has caught ill with a
deadly pandemic – an unvaccinated virus that is inexplicably sweeping
the nations and transforming humans into blood-thirsty creatures that
devour all surviving people except Claire. Well, if you ask me, that
reality sounds even worse than the movie would be, even worse
than the movie has been every time Hollywood releases it… Crazy clusters
of mutant infections hunting down a group of civilians (a single mother
with two young children, two or three college guys who need this
horrific experience to grow and become men, a set of
slightly-senior man and wife who have annoyingly out-dated convictions
and eventually get eaten off in some gory fashion), all of whom are led
by me. I would have to get all Resident Evil on those monster’s asses;
strap on my impossibly skimpy fighting gear (it was just laying around
in my closet) and run around, a pretty piece of flesh, shooting massive
guns in mid-air and destroying monuments to kill those drooling,
pulsating, infectious things. Of course, that group I mentioned earlier
would immediately (and angrily) find a new selfless leader, because
there is no way any of
that is happening. Forget about it! If the rest of the population is
going down, do not expect me to live. Who would entertain me when all of
it is over? Who will buy my clothes when Earth is gone?
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