2.11.13

Alone Again (Naturally): Where are all of the other bored people? I am so relentlessly bored I am quite literally on the verge of tears. Good god, I feel like I am in the latest Nicholas Cage movie, where everyone on the face of the earth has caught ill with a deadly pandemic – an unvaccinated virus that is inexplicably sweeping the nations and transforming humans into blood-thirsty creatures that devour all surviving people except Claire. Well, if you ask me, that reality sounds even worse than the movie would be, even worse than the movie has been every time Hollywood releases it… Crazy clusters of mutant infections hunting down a group of civilians (a single mother with two young children, two or three college guys who need this horrific experience to grow and become men, a set of slightly-senior man and wife who have annoyingly out-dated convictions and eventually get eaten off in some gory fashion), all of whom are led by me. I would have to get all Resident Evil on those monster’s asses; strap on my impossibly skimpy fighting gear (it was just laying around in my closet) and run around, a pretty piece of flesh, shooting massive guns in mid-air and destroying monuments to kill those drooling, pulsating, infectious things. Of course, that group I mentioned earlier would immediately (and angrily) find a new selfless leader, because there is no way any of that is happening. Forget about it! If the rest of the population is going down, do not expect me to live. Who would entertain me when all of it is over? Who will buy my clothes when Earth is gone?

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